A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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