Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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