You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
i believe in u and ur pee
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
