I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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