yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
