He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
