I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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