the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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