We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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