That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
