All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
