i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Randomize
