You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
