you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
