it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
