I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
