i think my tv is drunk
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize