so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
accomplished twins. life is a go
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
