so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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