Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
