Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
