You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Ladies don't puke and tell
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
