WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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