We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
