They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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