Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
