I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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