hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
