i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
