ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
