My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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