WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
