You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
