omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
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