True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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