I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
