he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
