dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
