So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
