I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Sext me about skeletons
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Randomize
