I just saw a hot homeless man
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
