I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
