You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
This is my gift to your gina
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Randomize
