we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
