He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize