this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
