what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
