Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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