There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
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