theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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