It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
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