i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
