he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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