DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
