It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
