I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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