What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
