im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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