we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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