Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
