lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
