So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
