You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
