Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
