I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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