Can i not drive my cunt home
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
