You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
