i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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