she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
