this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
