As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
