No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
