if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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