In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
