It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
