So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Too much gin, very little bucket
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Randomize
