i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
