I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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