Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
