Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize