i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
