mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
