margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
