and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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