It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
