my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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