if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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