What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Pooping to opera.
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