i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize