your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
