Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
