mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize