dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Randomize
