I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize