Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize