just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
