I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
