i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
