Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
