Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
