grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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