If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
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