He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
