I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
