She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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