I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
