So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize