so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
handjob tips. give me some.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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