The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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