If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
