Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
