you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
how does that bad decision feel?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize