I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
And then he peed in my hair
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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