there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
