I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
You need Xanax blowdarts
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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