I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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