I cannot find my penis.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize