kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
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