I wannas sexs uuuuu
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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