Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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