I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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