Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize